Okay, this may sound conceited, but not when you learn a little bit of my story.
I’ve hated myself ever since I can remember. Traumatic memories from my teenage years remain and I can never take that away. Self-blaming and self-loathing were all I knew and I thought accepting and loving myself was never possible. I didn’t want to be alone in life. That’s why I always based my happiness and my worth on the people I love or was in love with, and also on those who are ultimately irrelevant.
I always cared too much about how others would judge me. It made me walk on eggshells until they completely broke and I fell. Result was I lost myself. I never knew who I really was. What I really wanted.
Now, I’m on this journey to find myself. And once I find myself, I do it again. And again and again and I love it. Trying new things and being good at it. Trying new things and sucking at it, but I keep doing it anyway because I like it. (I mean, I’ve had this blog for over ten years and nobody ever cares enough to keep up with me lol) Who cares, right?
Solitude. I love being by myself. Doing something I love without needing anyone’s approval. Doing something no one else has to know. Doing things for yourself. I go to the movies alone, I eat in a restaurant alone, I go for walks alone. Hell, I got my first tattoo recently and I didn’t bring anybody. I was scared with no hand to hold, but I did it anyway. I know that doesn’t sound much, but it’s not something the younger me would do. So I’m proud of it.
Practicing self-care was something I sucked at. I kept trying and relapsing. But that’s okay too. Over time, self-care made me a better person not only for myself but for others as well.
Loving and accepting myself was one of the most difficult things I had to do. Well, I’m still practicing it. But difficult doesn’t mean impossible. It takes a lot of work and a hell of an up-and-down journey. And of course, we wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for the person/people who stand by us no matter what. We become more and more grateful.
Elusive Explanation 