Even before the pandemic, my birthdays over the years have just been the same and simple, which I appreciate. Some are better than others. Some are bad and some are worse due to unexpected tragedies. The older I get, I felt like it’s getting worse. My birthday was just acknowledged but no longer celebrated. Until it was just sad, empty, and meaningless.
Honestly, I didn’t think I deserved to be celebrated so I didn’t do anything and just let it pass every year. I didn’t want anyone to make a big deal out of it either.
In April this year, I turned 26. And do you know what, I’m sick of feeling empty. I’m sick of having meaningless birthdays. This time, I wanted to do something to celebrate myself. I have more free time, I have my little circle of friends and my family. Most significantly, my mental health is better this year. I even got a little money saved up. It doesn’t have to be a big party. I just wanted to celebrate with my loved ones. I didn’t want to make all this about me, but also about them. Making them feel how much I love and appreciate them.
Birthday Plans 2024
I celebrated my birthday by inviting my closest friends and my closest family members separately. On the day of my birthday, I stayed in this gorgeous Airbnb with my two cousins, my brother, and his girlfriend. We talked a lot and bonded through karaoke, good food, and fun indoor games.
The next day, I went to my birthday lunch with my friends, who I hadn’t seen in a while. It was fun catching up with them. It always is. A lot of laughs and serious talks as well. When the night was still young, we decided to go to a karaoke bar. Hell, we do love our karaoke!
See, when I was planning all that six weeks prior, I got so overwhelmed that I didn’t want to go through with it. I never plan or organize anything. I’m not used to being in charge of everything. But since I wanted to do something special for my birthday this year, I did it. And it was something to be proud of. And everything I was worried about just disappeared.
I was worried that they might not have fun or get bored. I was worried that something might go wrong. I was worried that it might be too expensive. I was worried that I might not do a good job of booking that Airbnb. As it turned out, everybody enjoyed and the Airbnb was amazing. Everything was fine. And I’m really happy that I went through with it.
Reflection
Over the years, I hated getting older. That’s one of the reasons I didn’t celebrate my birthdays. I hated getting older because that’s the only thing that was happening. I’m getting older, but I wasn’t achieving anything worthwhile. If possible, I might’ve been growing down instead of growing up.
I told a friend about this. I was venting out like, “I’m not learning anything since I was 21. I haven’t achieved anything. I haven’t done anything I’ve been dreaming to do.”
Then she was like, “Really?” I think she was a bit annoyed that I was putting myself down too much. “Think about that again.”
And I did.
I wasn’t the same person when I was 21. I grew up without realizing it. I wasn’t giving myself enough credit. Hell, I wasn’t giving myself any credit. I was so focused on the things I hadn’t accomplished while the things I did accomplish were just waiting to be acknowledged all along. I’ve done a lot of things that 21-year-old me would be too scared to do.
I might not be in the exact place I’ve been wanting to be, but I’m in a place where I’m supposed to be. And I love that. I love where I am right now. Thank goodness I’m here. It’s not perfect, but I like it. I’m grateful.
Also, there might be things that hadn’t happened according to plan, but that’s okay too. Such as getting my very first tattoo for my birthday. I did something with my friends and with my family, I wanted to do something for solely myself too. It’s just, some things needed to be prioritized. But it doesn’t mean I will never get that tattoo at all.
As for getting older, I’ve come to accept my age. When I was age 21 to 25, I felt 19. Now that I’m 26, I’m starting to feel like 22 or 23. I grow up slowly and that’s okay. Slow progress is still progress. There’s no rush in growing up. Progress is always better than perfection.
Elusive Explanation 